The whole time, the whole damn time, I felt like I was in a fish bowl. Like there was this saran wrap, glass wall, bubble between me and everyone, everything else. Surrounded in this, by this haze, I do not fully see or hear or feel or enjoy. I am here, but two, sometimes three steps behind, or rather off to the side. I suffer nothing.
Art is getting his second transfusion today, second this week. I go to bed dreading sleep, I wake up dreading the day. I am aware I need help but at the moment, consider myself unable to ask for it. I don’t think I am drowning. It’s more like floating between the anxiety, the exhaustion of holding it all together and the rest of being. Although uncomfortable, I deem the experience pleasant. It’s nice not to feel.