Wednesday, January 03, 2007

...and the horse you road in on too!

I went to a New Year’s Day celebration at my neighbors’ house. There where about 40 people there. We sat down and one by one shared our New Year’s Intentions. These were not about material goals (losing weight, getting a better job). These intentions were about ways to make our lives better (“I intend to spend my time enjoying my spouse, I intend to treat my health respectfully”, etc.) These intentions were positive affirmations for the healing of psyches.

One of my intentions was to understand in my core that I am truly good enough. If I am 140 or 125 lbs, I am good enough. When I offend a friend, make a mistake or find myself yelling, I am still good enough. It was not until I read the comment from “Anonymous” that I realized, I can already cross that one off my list, because I am successful.

Anonymous was offended by a particularly low point I shared. S/he wrote: “See that most of your thoughts about yourself are a narcissistic fantasy that you are investing too much energy in.”

I read it and something peculiar happened. I didn’t feel a thing. I wasn’t angry, or hurt or upset. I was saddened that Anonymous didn’t get the point of the whole blog, a place where I can clear my mind so that I can focus on Art and the kids. (Thank you Mary and Julie for making that clear.) But when one publicly takes pen to paper, misunderstanding are to be expected.

I discovered that I write for myself and for myself only. I write to process ­­my journey. It is my ability to express myself that has given me the courage to sit in the muck or stand in the sun. It’s given me the strength to share with others and, more importantly, the guts to keep moving forward while continuing to grow. Until the moment I read that comment, I had taken that aspect of me for granted.

What Anonymous wrote doesn’t matter to me because…(and I giggle when I write this) I am good enough. I am good enough for me and I have always been good enough for Art. That knowledge brings great delight! I can only hope that Anonymous can find the same power to stand tall in his/her convictions by signing his/her name and engage in a dialogue or if s/he finds it so offensive, just not read the blog.

Huh, another great moment brought to you by the malfunctioning cells in Art’s body! Sometime, I really love this disease!

3 comments:

  1. debbie light11:13 AM

    Kim, I've been reading your blog since you started it, and want to say that you are doing an incredible job with all of this. I've been awed by your strength of character, and your ability to honestly share your thoughts and emotions. It is a gift to those of us who care about you, and whose hearts are with you on this journey. I have personally drawn great strength from your writing. Keep at it!
    Love Debbie

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous10:25 PM

    You go girl!! Keep writing and sharing. Sue

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous6:08 AM

    I am afraid at times to read your comments, as they touch me so deeply -- frankly they scare me. What you are going through can happen to anyone. What appears to be important simply changes. What appears real day to day simply changes. All this external "stuff" simply changes. You do not know my wife and I -- and it is such a gift to get to know you and Art without walls. R & T

    ReplyDelete