Friday, January 23, 2009

January 7, 2009

These are journal entries from the beginning of our odessy. I will spend the next few entries catching up to where we are now. 

Art has a big….

Inferior Vena Cava.

That’s right. My man has a big one. So big, in fact, that the regular IVC filter just won’t fit.
I’m so proud to be married to a man who has a big one.
He is equally …..annoyed.
They will have to do the procedure again tomorrow and insert an IVF called a Bird’s Nest.
Then after they insert the Bird’s Nest they will take him to a different floor and do the biopsy.
It’s a grand way to see the hospital. Too bad he’ll be doing it on his back!
A Helping Hand Tip
Turns out saying "Let me know if you need anything" is not so helpful. The responsibility of figuring out what you mean gets put on the person in crisis. Will you watch the kids, clean the toilet or fix that flat tire?
When you offer help, be specific about what you can do. "I'd love to go to take the kids to the movies" or "I'd happy to go grocery shopping" are easy offers to remember.
Put a time limit on it. "I was afraid to offer you specific help cause I knew I couldn't commit to long term." said a friend of mine. You can put a time limit on your offer. If three weeks of grocery shopping is all you can do, then say so. You are still being helpful yet you are not going beyond what you can do which can build resentment, then guilt.
More Helping Hand tips on the next post!
© Kim Hamer 2009

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