My kids are cracking under the pressure. I see it in their outbursts. Sunday, Langston picked up Ezra by the head in anger. This, after Ezra shoved his hand into Langston’s mouth and made Langston gag. (Why Langston didn't bite him, I can't tell you!)
Both actions were done in pure, unadulterated rage that, until recently, was rarely seen in this house. It would be amusing if it weren’t my kids.
They were wrong.
Kids are not resilient.
It's something adults make up so that we don't have to face our own powerlessness. I mean, christ, how do you have a conversation with your 9 yr old and say "Yes, daddy may die. And yup, it'll hurt worse than you can ever imagine." If I say it, if I admit it... outloud, I have to hear it. Who the hell wants to hear that crap? So I tell myself, they are resilient.
Kids are not resilient. This disease is starting to eat at my kids.
We are suffering from Cancer Fatigue. It's a medical term, ya know. One that has been around since yesterday, when I coined it.
Cancer Fatigue occurs when a family member is only "well" for approximately 547 days out of the last 820 days. The memories of the last cancer battle, join with the memories of the current cancel battle, leaving children, wife and husband (?) feeling like it has been one long stupid battle.
I have to get them help. But FUCK I have no more room! Some other vital function I am currently performing will have to be dropped to make room for finding, convincing and getting them to a grief counselor. What will go? Time at the gym? Eating well? Getting a grocery list together? Providing an income?
So little mental energy needed, so little mental energy available.
Alas, I know I'll find the energy. They are my kids and well....I have to live with them. And frankly it's not all about my love for them. Any more head lifting and some one will wind up in the ER and I.... ain't going back! So either they will have to deal with their anger or find a ride to the ER and remember to bring the insurance card!)
My job, as their mother, is to guarantee they have "issues" to make their adult lives "interesting," "unique" and full of "growth!" Besides, if I don't, what will they discuss with their therapist and who, prey tell, will they blame?
So, now onto finding the energy to find someone who can help them.
That is the rabbit-out-of-the-hat trick I will to attempt this week.
Art is home. YEAH
And I have a cold! Surprise?