Saturday, April 18, 2009

Yesterday, April 17, 2009

It hasn't been 48 hours yet. I want to change....

I want my outside world to reflect my inside turmoil. The calmness that is slipping away, the trepidation, the impending emptiness that slowly lowers its vail and the grief that I no longer have the strength to keep at bay.

It's all coming. There is nothing I can do and I am scared shitless to loose control.


Visiting Schedule

Saturday -- No visitors
Sunday --- Vistors from 1 - 4
Monday --- No visitors
Tuesday --- The Thank You Art Memorial
Wed - Friday -- Shiva

1377 Appleton Way
Venice, CA

In lieu of flowers please donate the fund. (Really!!! The last thing I need is to be responsible for taking care of things that are dying!) The kids and I will find a charity that Art would love. If you know of one where kids learn while riding bikes let me know!


  1. No visitors,
    quite understandably.
    how about a song?
    Do you know Chris Whitley?
    I've loved his quieter songs.
    There's one I'm thinking of right now,
    for you and for Art.
    "Big Sky Country"
    I'm sure you could find a free way to listen to it online.

    and here are the lyrics,
    which today have more potent meaning:

    Now when this over
    Over and through
    And all them changes have come and passed

    I wanna meet you in the big sky country
    Just wanna prove, mama, love can last, yeah.
    Like hallelujiah in the big sky country,
    Just like forever and ever is why.
    Be getting over in the big sky country,
    Be kissing time, kissing time goodbye.

    God knows it's all been done,
    and let me tell you why.

    'Cause you held my number,
    you held my name,
    you held my body through the thick and thin,

    On a bed of roses in the big sky country,
    Spread out to love you, love you in your second skin
    Like hallelujah in the big sky country,
    Just like forever and ever is why.
    Be getting over in the big sky country,
    Be kissing time, kissing time goodbye.

    Hallelujiah, mama,
    Whenever there's a problem,
    got lights all over the place,
    Hallelujiah, I mean, Glory hallelujiah
    If I can only come around once and see your face.
    So just watch them lovers out on parade.
    Watching lovers while they slip and slide.

    They gonna prove it to the big sky country,
    Just gonna prove it while the whole world collides,
    Like hallelujiah in the big sky country,
    Just like forever and ever is wide,
    Be getting over in the big sky country,
    Be kissing time, kissing time goodbye.

    Meeting our Maker in the big sky country,
    Be just like lovers, and love is why.
    When we hold over till the big sky country.
    We'll be kissing time, kissing time goodbye.

    Take care. love, jm

  2. Anonymous1:52 PM

    I've been reading your incredible journal/blog and am so moved by your courage and love for Art. Such beautiful names you chose for your children, could your English teacher have chosen them? If so, you may find comfort in this poem by Langston Hughes:

    Dear lovely Death
    That taketh all things under wing -
    Never to kill -
    Only to change
    Into some other thing
    This suffering flesh,
    To make it either more or less,
    But not again the same -
    Dear lovely Death,
    Change is thy other name.

    ~Langston Hughes

  3. I love you, Kim. So glad we got to talk today. As promised, I will be there when the dust settles and you need a friend more than ever. Maybe Tuesday, too. ((((HUGS)))

  4. It sucks. I know it does. You're going to get through this. You have more strength than you know - all of us who read your blog can see it. We all know it's there. And when you're feeling weak, you have all of us - your friends and family.

  5. Pam D.9:24 PM

    Kim, the kids who remember Art from when he was here at WCDS all send their prayers to you and the children. We spent some time yesterday talking about him and their memories of him. Attached is the link to an article about a program the uses bike therapy for kids with Aspergers and other ND'S.
    If we could lend physical/emotional strength, I would pass any that I have over to you. Many of us here will be thinking of and praying for you.

  6. Anonymous7:33 PM

    My heart aches. Not proverbially but actually it hasn't stopped hurting since we talked and I knew.

    I am so glad we were able to spend time with him only a few weeks ago. When we left, I wished we lived closer, to be there for him, you and the kids.

    I am not going to make it to LA this week but hope to see you in Maine if you have another service or are just here visiting. I would love to see you again and meet the kids.

    I feel lucky to have called Art a friend. And now feel lucky to have met you because of him.

    My thoughts are with you now and always.


  7. kim,

    i just heard and am so sorry to hear about all of this. it's been a few years since we were last in contact and at that time, art was in remission. this came as a total shock. my thoughts are with you and the kids. my arms are around the lot of you. a big hug from me.


  8. Dear Kim,
    For now, the pain is just going to sweep over you, and that's ok. You have more strength than you know, and will survive. My heart hurts for you and the kids. I am going to try and change my work schedule so I can come on Tuesday. We will talk soon, and know that my prayers and hugs are in the universe, all around you now. Your journal is such a loving, personal tribute to Art. I am in awe of you. It's ok to simply rest and breath for now, my dear friend. I love you. Y
    xx pattie.

  9. Kim,
    Hans, Graciela, Helen and I to name just a few at KLHT send you our love. We reach out from afar with support and outstretched arms. Your words have allowed us to be a small part of the journey and we are forever grateful for that amazing gift. Peace, my friend.

  10. Anonymous3:35 PM

    Kim, I got the news from your friend Jim. What to say?!?!? I am definitely with you and your family in thought and prayer. My niece at UCLA is going to be a camp counselor this summer at Camp Kesem. It's for kids whose parents have had cancer. I am going to share your story with her so she'll have an even greater appreciation for what she's doing.

    And the ice cream offer holds now and indefinitely into the future!