I do see changes in my ability to get through this life without him.
I cannot spend the entire weekend with my kids without plans.
I remembered that...before the weekend.
I called Johnny our babysitter.
He came yesterday and took the kids.
He stayed late to help me get them into bed.
And it wasn't that I needed the extra hand.
I just needed another adult in the house.
And when I called him and when I asked him to stay
I saw with confidence that I will get through this.
I saw that I am adapting.
I saw that this stage of needing help is not forever.
That it, like the grief, will fade in and out, with feriousness and then gentleness.
That I, like the grief, will need a lot of help, then no help, then some help, not in any order.
That my job is NOT to provide order or calmness or peace for my children.
My job is to show them how to survive.