Sunday, July 12, 2009

July 12, 2009

Ezra and Pallas in Art's clothes
In hindsight...

I do see changes in my ability to get through this life without him.

I cannot spend the entire weekend with my kids without plans.

I remembered that...before the weekend.
I called Johnny our babysitter.

He came yesterday and took the kids.
He stayed late to help me get them into bed.

And it wasn't that I needed the extra hand.

I just needed another adult in the house.

And when I called him and when I asked him to stay

I saw with confidence that I will get through this.

I saw that I am adapting.

I saw that this stage of needing help is not forever.

That it, like the grief, will fade in and out, with feriousness and then gentleness.

That I, like the grief, will need a lot of help, then no help, then some help, not in any order.

That my job is NOT to provide order or calmness or peace for my children.

My job is to show them how to survive.


  1. I love this. It made me feel stronger too! Thank you ...

  2. I am a member of a grief healing discussion board and the counsellor on the site has posted some useful articles which she (Marty Tousley) has written. One of the articles is about "helping someone/supporting people who are grieving" and thought you might like to read it because of your weekly tips about helping. Here it is:

  3. just found another one - what is NOT useful ;-) you may be interested in this?

  4. apologies for adding this many comments (don't do forward planning on Sundays) ... here is another one related to helping

    and again:

    that's my last one, I promise.

  5. Boo

    thanks for all your tips. I have put together a list too. People need this information!

  6. Anonymous6:30 PM

    KIm-- I love these pictures of the kids in Arts jeans and T's-- I love the smiles on their faces-- I was thinking that you should hold onto these jeans and T's for them- they never go out of style- the boys will fit into them one day and Pallas can have the T's to sleep in. I cannot think of a reason not to one day say- "hurry up, put on your dad's jeans lets go we are late" Just a thought