Wednesday, October 14, 2009

October 14, 2009 A New Good Day

I don't have good days anymore. Not like the ones before he got sick. Heavy is how I live my life now. My stomach doesn't ache with laughter. I'm slower and impatient.

There is a new good day and it consists of just making the day work. This new good day is about forgiveness for missed appointments, play dates, dirty toilets and dusty bedrooms, indecisiveness and anger. The new good day response is "I'm OK." usually followed with a shrug and silence.

The new good day means I managed to get out of bed, stretch, wake up the kids, prepare breakfast and get the kids to school, on time, and only raise my voice three times.

The new good day means I can focus on a project for 45 minutes.

The new good day means I wonder the house for only 30 minutes.

The new good day means I sigh only 175 times, not 253.

During this new good day, I can get three things off of my to-do list. I can put dinner on the table without the guilt of over weight or high blood pressure causing foods they digest.

The new good day has nothing to do with courage or beauty or dealing. The new good day has everything to do with getting by, past another Monday, through another kid argument, over another night of no sleep.

The new good day is redefined every day. Every moment I wake up is another new good day.

The new good day is about small, infinitesimal steps.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Kim, this so resonated with me. My best friend lost her husband to suicide two months before I left my husband. Our motto as we helped each other hobble along quickly became "the secret to success is setting the bar really, really low." We would set tiny, tiny goals and celebrate the Hell out of them. Two years on, we are still celebrating those tiny victories. Love, Genie