Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy )@*# Valentines Day

This is my grief support group.
Art hated Valentine's Day Every year, annoyed by the hoopla he'd say,"No darn card company or flower company needs to tell me how to tell you I love you."

So today I give the finger to Valentine's Day.
Who needs you.
Who wants you
I hate you for reminding me of the big fat hole that exists in my life this and every stupid day I draw a breath.

This fingers for you Valentine's Day

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Feb 2, 2010 And Then We Dance

Ezra at the end of our latest dance party.
I'm not sure how it starts.
I'm never sure how they start.
But there is this collective agreement.
A collective need to release the energy.
And so one of the kids turns the music on and we are having a ...


We take turns recording our latest and most definitely, best dance moves.
We don't care if we are out of rhythm (which rarely happens because they inherited my dancing ability, not Art's...phew.)

We don't care how silly we look.

We watch ourselves in the reflection of the large, dark windows, calling to one another when we think we have done something really cool.

"Hey Langston watch this!" 

"Hey Mom did you see this?" 

"Hey Pallas, does this look stupid?"

We are laughing and moving and sweating. Are legs carry different loads of our body weight in brief moments, our hips gyrate, our belly's tighten as our minds focused on giving our bodies just the right command:

    jerk your shoulders back, but gently,
   wiggle your butt but only on the third beat,
   swing your arms to the left, then only slightly to the right.

We each try to imitate something the other one does.

And then ... 
I am playing mom again.

Time to get ready for bed.  We are panting and smiling and grateful for the trust, the intimacy, the freedom to express ourselves to music.

And in those dance moments, I see us as a family.

A whole family, not one MISSING A DAD, but one that is STRONG and LOVING (and has good rhythm).

I know this is what we do for each other.

We dance.

We trust.