Sunday, March 07, 2010


"You have cataracts" my eye doctor declares.

"I what?"

You have cataracts, she says, this time a little more slowly since I obviously don't understand her.

"But I'm 45 year old" I think.

Out loud I say, "Aren't I a bit young?"

She says "Yes but it was probably bought on by the low dose steroids you've been on for years due to your asthma.
There is silence.

She continues, "In 2 - 3 years, you can have this surgery that will repair your eyes to seeing better than you did when you were 20."

I'm not listening.

Who is going to take care of the kids and me when I have surgery? Who is going to help us for the days afterwards? Who is going to drive me to the doctor's office, go grocery shopping, tell look over Langston's should while he's on the computer or do Pallas's hair is done.

And the rage punches me in the back.

In sickness and health, in sickness in health!!

What about my sickness Art? Huh!
I did your sickness, what about mine!!!
I leave the office deflated and feeling old and

full of rage.

"You @)(*#$! You skipped out on ME!"


  1. Anonymous2:13 PM

    Mortality is a kick, isn't it?

  2. Dear Kim,

    My husband recently died (6 months ago actually!) and a common friend suggested I look at your blog. I have been following it from the day after he died and it has been so helpful. Although my journey has been different, it has been invaluable to touch in and here where you are at. The ironic thing is I think I saw you at the 18th St. cafe the day you wrote this blog. You were on the phone looking very serious so I chose not to interrupt to introduce myself.

    Hang in there. A couple of years is a long way off. Maybe you'll have a fantastic young gorgeous man to take care of you and your kids when you finally have the surgery.

    My thoughts go out to you!

  3. Anonymous10:23 AM

    Your good friend (you know me well) will drive you anywhere you need to go before/after surgery (except to Baskin Robbins for cookies and cream ice cream !!!)

  4. Anonymous3:42 PM

    I stumbled onto your blog, and it drew me in because you're so strong and honest. I wish you the best, I wish you happiness and love. I'm a complete stranger and your words have given me strength to do things I couldn't think of even imagining; so next time you doubt the strength or power within you, don't, because you're powerful beyond measure.

    take care and have a beautiful year.