"I was so sad I couldn't cry." he says flatly.
"I was crying on the inside, not on the outside." come the adult observations in his little 7 year old mouth which...
begins to quiver.
"I didn't get to say good bye to Daddy!" he sobs, regret and anger in his voice.
I say a mommy-stupid, something like, "You said good bye in your head." Hoping that this mother guess is dead on. Hoping to avoid a life time of regret that my adult self is sure he will feel....becuase I do with so many things.
"No I didn't. I didn't say it out loud and I didn't say it in my head."
And his tears flow.
The next sound is my own sob.
"You can say good bye now, if you'd like. We can write a letter, or say a prayer. Daddy is still right here (I touch him in his chest). He'll hear every word."
"I would kill to have him back." Pallas says.
"I would too." I say and then I stop.
No, I wouldn't.
I couldn't bare to put some one else through this.