The Smell

I didn’t mean to.
I was only trying to help
To help him
Because he missed you so much.

He was in your closet.
He came out and said,
“It doesn’t smell like Daddy anymore.”

He looked so sad.
He looked so forlorn.

So I showed him my secret.
Your cap.
The one I have kept folded up
Tight
In a Ziplock bag,
Stashed
in my bedside table.

I unzipped it.
We both inhaled.
It smelled like you.

And then his face crumbled.
Mirroring mine, I think

Your smell.
Your smell reminding us,
Of how it no longer surrounds us,
How we can’t take it for granted.
How it is no longer part of the background of our lives
How it is fading.

We didn’t remember what you smelled like
Till that moment.

And after we remembered
Me and Ezra,
Ezra and I,
Sat on the floor
Sobbing like ….

The people we are
A wife,
A son,
Missing you.

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