Saturday, May 16, 2009

May 16, 2009

720 hours ago, at 1:16 am, I watched Art take his last breath.

I knew back then that I would make it to this day, Day 30 Without Art.

I didn't know how.

I remembered today that it's not the "how" that matters. It's the


that I will eventually arrive that carries me through.


740 hours ago Steve Odefy gave his childhood friend his last shave. It was the first time he had ever shaved another man. He did it with a kind of grace and tenderness that made all of us in the room silent.


792 hours ago the kids said "Goodbye" to Art.

I have a photo of Langston and Art that I still can't bring myself to look at or post.

Helping Hands Tip
Offer to come to the house and keep them company. No need to talk, clean or be happy. Bringa a book! Sometimes just having another person in the house can make the person who is grieving or caregiving feel stronger.


  1. Kim,
    You will always in my heart and I remain forever touched by your journey. Your words resonated in the very core of my soul and begged me and all of us reading to be in the moment, to have the courage to share thoughts as we think them and avoid sending them through a processor that deletes the harshness of reality. Peace.

  2. Anonymous9:31 PM

    One second, one minute, one hour, one week, one month, one year, the time will pass on- keep taking one step in this process and know that all of us love you. Nothing will replace the loss of Art, and you will continue to move on, 1 second, 1 minute, 1 hour, 1 week, 1month, 1 year-- no matter how much time passes we will always love you.

    I have to tell you a story that you inspired- my husband and I were having one of those silly married fights- who does more, who takes the kids to baseball, dance class etc... Angry !!!! I went to the dry cleaners with his shirts, and as I was counting them his smell and scent was all over them-- I stopped and breathed- and thought of you-- I thought what if this is all I have left, what if this was the end-- I went home and apologized (he thought I was nuts-by the way) but thank you Kim and Art for reminding us all what is truly important!

    PS: I still get mad at him from this overachieving mom but I let it go a bit sooner. Remember you are an inspiration !!

  3. i'm rarely -
    maybe even less than rarely -
    over on the westside.
    but if anything brings you over this way,
    you can always just show up.

    just show up
    and knock on my studio door
    and come on in.
    no questions asked.
    no need to talk.
    just be.

    take care.