Friday, March 26, 2010


“He’s in our thoughts and prayers.”

“We are sending a blanket of love.”

Those are words I read today about a boy, who like Art is

battling his second round of cancer.

He’s doing a better job than Art did

and I’m NOT doing a better job at begin gracious.

Instead, when I read those words of love

And support

Ms. Cynic thinks

“Save your breath!”

“Those good thoughts and prayers

Don’t work.

If they did,

I wouldn’t be writing this column.”

Silly, stupid, people.


That boy died earlier morning on Friday, March 26.

The grief sucked me down its whirlpool, shame followed

And anger was fast on its heels.

Only this time, I bobbed to the surface

Before I got too much water up my nose.

The whirlpool didn’t take me down as far and I am not as disoriented.

I cry because I know where his mom will go

I know the journey of loss

and the idea of someone I know walking it

Makes me scream myself raw

and punch trees

and crumble to the floor and say

“Why her? Why her?”

Brooks….I’m sorry.

I wanted those silly, stupid people to be right.

I really wish they had been right.


  1. Anonymous4:22 PM

    Some of us had an inkling that Art wasn't going to make it even when he was celebrating remission. I would like to think our continued well wishes despite what we felt in our hearts was a losing battle made a difference. People's kindness always makes a difference.

  2. so beautifully honest - thank you...

  3. Anonymous10:07 PM

    The irony is we all wish those silly stupid people were right. In fact since my husbands death I simply wish I could go back to being one of those silly stupid people. The problem is that when you lose someone you love and all the prayers and good thoughts do not work, you become what we are now. What you call "Ms.Cynic". This is not something to be ashamed of. It is something to adjust to. Ignorance is bliss, but I hope that one day this new "way of seeing things" will prove beneficial. Maybe it's not cynical at all, but rather a relaistic response to a horrific reality.

  4. Anonymous1:15 PM

    Not ignoring the tragedy - the reality - of this entry, but thanking you for the slide show that I have watched several times.

  5. Anonymous9:08 AM

    Thank you for the new picture and the slide show. My heart aches in a good way. I love you all, including absent Art.


  6. It's 2:20am here. I've spent the past 2 hours reading your blog. I am so very sorry for your loss and the suffering you and your kids are going through. Thank you for writing about it. I wish you all better days ahead. God bless you.

  7. I don't think anyone can make figure out why certain things happen. We're alive, and somehow, one way or another we keep on ticking. I really hope you find peace. Just reading your words shows the pain inside you. I'll pray for you.