I got up.
I laughed before the big toe of my left foot hit the floor.
I left at 8:15 for an 8:30 class that was a 20 minute drive away.
I drove giggling...my lateness, some things never change.
I didn't know anyone in the class.
I didn't feel like knowing anyone from the class.
At the class, I didn't eat the granola bar, tossed the too sweet yogurt and drank 4 little bottles of water (borrowed from my the table mates, the ones I didn't know.)
I drove home and sang till I coughed.
I made a semi-nutritious lunch for my kids out of food I already had in the refrigerator!
I made a really nutritious lunch for myself. (Spinach, yellow peppers, avocado, pine nuts and goat cheese. Tossed with more balsamic vinegar than olive oil.)
I braved Target at 2:30 pm shopping for clothes with my two youngest. We didn't run over anyone while we were telling each other jokes.
I put together a telescope. I saw the pink-purple flowers of the Morning Glory way in the back yard REALLY well.
I dropped off my daughter for her (as of this minute) first successful sleep over in over 1 1/2 years.
I was truly interested listening to Ezra's hypotheses about weapons, bombers, fighter planes and tactical ways to win over an enemy.
I paid attention as he went on and on and on and on and on and on and on.
Just he and I went to see Avatar. It was a 7:45 pm movie. He's usually in bed by 8:30. We didn't get home till 11:00.
Now at almost midnight, I am laughing again.
I'm OK.
His death didn't destroy me.
Didn't remove my essence.
Didn't consume me.
And I'm still standing
and I find my feet are encased, ensconced in this new earth.
I wriggle my toes and notice that I cannot move the earth that covers them.
I laugh so hard....I pee.
My friend said, "How are you doing?"
Today, I didn't lie.
"I'm ok." I told her
And I am.
I was moved by your post and so here the complete stranger that I am, I truly am sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteYou are so amazing. I can't believe it's been a year. Miss you a whole lot. xoxo
ReplyDeletelove life.
ReplyDelete