Kim, I love you and I love your transparency. I know you've heard it all before. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it's received with indifference, sometimes it angers...but I wll tell you anyway on the off chance that it may catch you when it may help. If not, please come back and digest it when it will...
I am so very sincerely sorry for what you and your family is going thru. I, like you, am married to my best friend and cannot imagine going thru what you are with such healthy emotions being let loose when needed...but still does not feel like enough...
The closest I've been to this is when my Mom had cancer, beat the odds when the doc pulled a tumor the size of a grapefruit out of her colon that had been there for some time..unbeknownst to her. God gave grace and it did NOT spread to the liver and other vital organs....not thanks to her and lack of health care to herself. It made me mad that she would allow herself to get so sick...
They called her the "miracle lady" as she was literally walking around the hospital corridors the next morning after surgery...we were told she would not make it thru surgery at her age and the size of the malignant tumor...they had no explanation of why she was up and walking around healthy..but I knew why...
Mom went home, I went back to NC to carry on with life. Mom continued to exist instead of live life...what a waste of time. Though I must say, we had the best long "best friend" talks on the phone the last 5 years of her life on earth....
Oh, what took her life? Well, a little unknown enemy lurking to kill whom it may devour...it's name was "stroke." ...undetected, quiet, canny, sneaky "stroke"....and when he came out, he roared...oh, so loud!
My Mom had no idea really what hit her, but it smacked her so long, it left the right side of her body lopsided. I've heard of the saying, "I'm gonna smack you silly"...well that's what stroke did, but it wasn't funny..no one was laughing....but stroke.
The last days of her life, the woman that talked my ears off telling me the do's and don'ts of life was silent...so silent. But I knew she was screaming in the inside....for a strong willed woman like her (and me), how very frustrating it must have been to be her. That didn't stop me from being angry with her for not being on the look out for stroke before he came...
...She was suppose to be smarter than that. My Mom was one of the wisest people I knew...
She let stroke win and left this earth 7 years ago now. You asked a question in one of your posts with lots of dates about "what's te deal with all the 7's"....it's the number of completion...
Thru it all, I knew what you have now figured out as well...we are not in control of the most important things in our lives that really matter...God is. I don't dare pretend to know why He allows the things He does, but once I relinquished all rights of "knowing it all" and asking Him to show me "things"...He did...and what He showed me gave me a peace that surpasses ALL human understanding...it just simply is what it is....
...it got me thru one day at a time...and thru other losses in my life as well...another story...not now.
Kim, when I say I love you, it doesn't even suggest that I even know you, just that my heart is full for you and your circumstance and will be on my knees interceding on your and your family's behalf...by name.
I don't expect a response because I know your emotions are all over the place right now...and rightfully so. Perhaps in time you'll contact me....perhaps not. Either way, it won't stop me for praying for you and your family...not in a religious way....but just talk to Him about you to Him..you know...a relationship with Him. Religions suck! Relationship is awesome...
If you ever want a non-judging, detached ear to vent, feel free to call:910 864 7494 (it's bus. and home office). Or write:RejoiceStudio@aol.com
Thinking of You,
Donna Toms Doss-Spicer PS this journal you've created is absolutely priceless...
I read your blog last night. I feel like anything I say would cheapen it so I'll just say I cried and that picture of your husband looking at the camera is like capturing sadness in a flash. Sending prayers to you. Best, Becky Risher
Scott, please stop by sometime. This weekend would be great. Art needs your calm (and wonderful story telling presence).
Donna, your mom was blessed to have you. It did help. "just that my heart is full for you and your circumstance and will be on my knees " made my cry. It's the simple acceptance of who I am that brings me the greatest strength.
Becky, good to see you! Yes, there is sadness in those eyes, those beautiful, handsome eyes, Michael!
Thank you for posting. It means a great deal to me. It helps to keep me going, really.
Wonderful pictures....makes me feel not so far away. thinking of all of you and reaching out to say I care. I hold you close to my heart as you struggle to rise to this new challenge. Thank you for sharing your feelings, your thoughts and your love. Cathy Mishkin
These are amazing photos, Kim. I'm very full of emotions at seeing Art so skinny, yet so full of light in his eyes.
ReplyDeleteTime has flown by since we saw you last. It's scary how fast. For you, I'm sure, it's been an eternity.
How is Art? How are you? How are the kids?
Kim, I love you and I love your transparency. I know you've heard it all before. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it's received with indifference, sometimes it angers...but I wll tell you anyway on the off chance that it may catch you when it may help. If not, please come back and digest it when it will...
ReplyDeleteI am so very sincerely sorry for what you and your family is going thru. I, like you, am married to my best friend and cannot imagine going thru what you are with such healthy emotions being let loose when needed...but still does not feel like enough...
The closest I've been to this is when my Mom had cancer, beat the odds when the doc pulled a tumor the size of a grapefruit out of her colon that had been there for some time..unbeknownst to her. God gave grace and it did NOT spread to the liver and other vital organs....not thanks to her and lack of health care to herself. It made me mad that she would allow herself to get so sick...
They called her the "miracle lady" as she was literally walking around the hospital corridors the next morning after surgery...we were told she would not make it thru surgery at her age and the size of the malignant tumor...they had no explanation of why she was up and walking around healthy..but I knew why...
Mom went home, I went back to NC to carry on with life. Mom continued to exist instead of live life...what a waste of time. Though I must say, we had the best long "best friend" talks on the phone the last 5 years of her life on earth....
Oh, what took her life? Well, a little unknown enemy lurking to kill whom it may devour...it's name was "stroke." ...undetected, quiet, canny, sneaky "stroke"....and when he came out, he roared...oh, so loud!
My Mom had no idea really what hit her, but it smacked her so long, it left the right side of her body lopsided. I've heard of the saying, "I'm gonna smack you silly"...well that's what stroke did, but it wasn't funny..no one was laughing....but stroke.
The last days of her life, the woman that talked my ears off telling me the do's and don'ts of life was silent...so silent. But I knew she was screaming in the inside....for a strong willed woman like her (and me), how very frustrating it must have been to be her. That didn't stop me from being angry with her for not being on the look out for stroke before he came...
...She was suppose to be smarter than that. My Mom was one of the wisest people I knew...
She let stroke win and left this earth 7 years ago now. You asked a question in one of your posts with lots of dates about "what's te deal with all the 7's"....it's the number of completion...
Thru it all, I knew what you have now figured out as well...we are not in control of the most important things in our lives that really matter...God is. I don't dare pretend to know why He allows the things He does, but once I relinquished all rights of "knowing it all" and asking Him to show me "things"...He did...and what He showed me gave me a peace that surpasses ALL human understanding...it just simply is what it is....
...it got me thru one day at a time...and thru other losses in my life as well...another story...not now.
Kim, when I say I love you, it doesn't even suggest that I even know you, just that my heart is full for you and your circumstance and will be on my knees interceding on your and your family's behalf...by name.
I don't expect a response because I know your emotions are all over the place right now...and rightfully so. Perhaps in time you'll contact me....perhaps not. Either way, it won't stop me for praying for you and your family...not in a religious way....but just talk to Him about you to Him..you know...a relationship with Him. Religions suck! Relationship is awesome...
If you ever want a non-judging, detached ear to vent, feel free to call:910 864 7494 (it's bus. and home office). Or write:RejoiceStudio@aol.com
Thinking of You,
Donna Toms Doss-Spicer
PS this journal you've created is absolutely priceless...
I read your blog last night. I feel like anything I say would cheapen it so I'll just say I cried and that picture of your husband looking at the camera is like capturing sadness in a flash. Sending prayers to you. Best, Becky Risher
ReplyDeletei'll dare to take the other path here.
ReplyDeletei think he looks so handsome here.
there's real beauty here.
Scott, please stop by sometime. This weekend would be great. Art needs your calm (and wonderful story telling presence).
ReplyDeleteDonna, your mom was blessed to have you. It did help. "just that my heart is full for you and your circumstance and will be on my knees " made my cry. It's the simple acceptance of who I am that brings me the greatest strength.
Becky, good to see you! Yes, there is sadness in those eyes, those beautiful, handsome eyes, Michael!
Thank you for posting. It means a great deal to me. It helps to keep me going, really.
Wonderful pictures....makes me feel not so far away. thinking of all of you and reaching out to say I care. I hold you close to my heart as you struggle to rise to this new challenge. Thank you for sharing your feelings, your thoughts and your love.
ReplyDeleteCathy Mishkin