Sunday, September 03, 2006

Day 10 – September 3

Art took a shower this morning. He looks and feels much better. We did not get results back from pathology yesterday. So now, two more days until we begin chemo. Hmm, I used we. It is we, I’m in this too.

With chemo looming in the close future, there is relief that this present stage is coming to end. It’s like the triathlons I compete in, I get a second wind when I know I am coming to the end of the swim. My confidence in finishing the swim portion of the race grows and I know nothing will keep me from hitting the sand, running up the beach and getting onto my bike. I love the bike portion of the triathlons. And that is where the similarity ends. In this case, here, in the hospital, I dread the next stage. How do you train for cancer?

When I read about it at night, I can’t sleep. When I read about it during the day, I cry. Every step in this stupid ass journey is emotionally painful and while I know myself and my past experiences well enough to know I am tough, I simply, very simply don’t want to do it. It looks, feels and tastes to overwhelming. Maybe if I pretend hard enough, it will all go away.

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